One of the most oft used phrases when discussing the many perils facing black men in America is “single mothers cannot make a men out of their sons.” The overwhelming majority of people that make such utterances are people that purport to have the communities best interest despite such a detrimental self fulfilling prophecy and despite it paling in comparison to reality. The truth is there are single mothers making men out of their boys every day. Next month graduation ceremonies from kindergartners to PHD programs will be audiences full of single moms watching their boys take giant sized steps towards greater manhood so to say boys can’t make it to manhood and productive citizenry is a misnomer to say the least. That said there is a formula to turning a boy to a man under the roof of a single (black) mother’s household and clearly some are privy to that formula while others are oblivious to the modus operandi of a super mom—the type of mother needed to successfully raise a boy to a man (and a girl to a woman) devoid of paternal guidance and involvement.
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Nice post Shaka. I would like to know your opinion on the "formula" that single mothers use to raise men, especially in the society we live in now. I think it was 10 times easier for single mothers to raise men 10-20 years ago.
ReplyDeleteThanks Chief!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you it is a lot harder today than it was 20 years ago but I think the formula is the same as what your moms and my mom’s used when heading a house hold as a single mother. They did not have men in and out of their lives; in the case of my mother she might have had two boyfriends over the 30 years since she and my pops got divorced. Fair or not her life revolved around me and my siblings in much the same way as your mother’s life revolved around you and yours. When you are a single parent you don't have the luxury of letting your heart wander every which way. I think the problem with many of the single mothers that are failing is they are still out looking for love in a whimsical pool of talent that from the jump views her being a single mother as advantage him from the start. Often time’s single mothers feel like they have to settle or be less selective because they have kids when it should be the other way around. If a single mother does not have a grip on how she allows her love and most of all her attention to be spread that alone can do irreparable harm to her sons and daughters. So as far as a formula is concerned her undivided attention would be a major ingredient and if she is going to re-marry or date seriously she should make sure that he takes a vested interest in her kids and adds love and attention to the equation instead of taking it away. The kid is already being short changed at least 50 percent of the requisite love and attention needed by not having his pops around. If a mother sees it prudent to divide the remaining 50 percent of the love and attention owed her seed to random dudes that are not necessarily concerned with the fruits that may bear from the said seed in the future, she is again doing a grave disservice to her son and or daughter.
Another part of the formula is basic nutrition. Mothers that don't know that it's not cool to raise their kids on fast food are harming their kids. They should already expect for their kids to eat junk food when they are out in the streets spending their own money so if she is not supplementing their diet in the home with well balanced health sustaining meals she is not doing her job the right way. If they are sending them to school every day loaded up on sugar from cereal instead of real food their kids will be more prone to hyperactivity. Also the better fed a mother keeps her boys the stronger and less prone to sickness they will be. Again it's basic but so many mothers completely ignore these simple acts of parenting.